Goldie Hawn did this to me.

Goldie Hawn, Kurt Russell, Kate Hudson and Sally Field walk into a bar... Well, really it was more of a corner booth in a Mexican restaurant in Aspen, Colorado. And that dude from the Black Crows was there too.

I was a freshman in high school and my favorite movie was Overboard, and Private Benjamin, and Death Becomes Her, THE FIRST WIVES CLUB (!!!) and and and Wild Cats, but not House Sitter.

Okay maybe House Sitter.

And then there was that movie with Kurt Russell driving the truck -Breakdown - that came out about that same time and OMG did I mention that this was GOLDIE HAWN?? Goldie, with the hair??

So I'm there with my family, and my high school boyfriend's family, and I'm steadfastly determined to get Goldie Hawn's autograph, and also say something really cool so she and Kate Hudson and and and Sally Field decide that maybe I'm someone they'd like to invite to a pedicure party.

When I finally get the lady balls to approach Goldie, because at this point in my mind we are on first name basis here, I find her in the entry way to the restaurant. You know, it's like a separate entry room with doors that close it off from the loud noise inside.

So I find her, and she has her back to me but I know it's her because she's wearing a mink coat inside (maybe I'm imagining the mink coat, but probably not) and I walk through those doors and they close behind me and the restaurant noises, the laughter at the bar, the waiter walking by with sizzling fajita meat, all gone now and it's just me and Goldie and one other lady in this little silent room.

And me and my lady balls hold up our napkin and pen and say, somewhat more softly than intended, "Can I have your autograph?"

Goldie, with the maybe mink and all that beautiful hair, she turns to face me. She is crying. Balling. Mascara is streaked down her face like mud in a dried up riverbed. She's holding a margarita.

Her friend scowls at me, fourteen year old me with the lady balls and the napkin and pen in my hands, and says, "What's wrong with you? Can't you see she's upset?"

Yes, yes I did see that now. And she was a mess, and most likely drunk, crying her face off in the entryway of a crowded restaurant with a woman who thought it was OKAY to yell at the youngest Goldie Hawn fan in the world. I was speechless. Mortified. Frozen, with big round frozen eyes and eyebrows at my hairline.

Goldie said," no, no, it's okay." She took my pen and my napkin. She signed her name. She handed my napkin back to me and I went back into the restaurant, folding into the sounds and the smells and the conversations at the tables I walked past and by the time I sat down at my own table, I realized that I probably wouldn't want to invite Goldie to a pedicure party, even with all that beautiful hair.

I was a cute monkey and my mom took my picture, and then I was just plain cute so she took some more.

Kindle thinks I like what?

I love my Kindle. I really only read books on my Kindle. I may be a technology laggard in every other aspect, but with Kindles, I'm all "Hey Pres, did you see the new Kindle? Paper white! OMG! Like totally! I know I have a Kindle that came out, like, last year. And another Kindle sitting in a drawer next to my passport and my 2004 iPod Nano, but PAPER WHITE! OMG!" And Pres is all "Hang on, I'm cataloging my Apple products museum right now, I don't have time for this Kindle. You should ask Seri about it."

When you read books on a Kindle, sometimes you see these phrases underlined. This means that A. You underlined these excerpts because you liked them, or B. Kindle wants to show you that 96 other people liked and highlighted the phrase, so you should know that it is a good one.

Sometimes these phrases are really thoughtful, or big moments in the book that change everything.

But the one I just read in Stephanie Plum #16 was this:

"I'm wearing four inch slut shoes. I can't kick a door down in slut shoes. It isn't done. You need boots to kick a door down. Everyone knows that."

They do now, Kindle. They do now.

Don't You Dare, Mama.

Don't you dare get comfortable, Mama. Don't even think about acting confident that I sleep through the night. Don't even talk about it. I swear, if you do it, the very next night I'm gonna throw a kickin' party in my crib and everyone's invited. I'll dance all over this house. Hammer time.

I mean it, Mama. I mean it.

Now make my Tigger bounce.

SHOW PANG

That's shopping, y'all. I've been doing a lot of it. Well, I say that, but mostly I've been perusing Pinterest "Women's Fashion" pictures. And I've decided that I'm in love with the big bag lady sweaters that somehow are stylish now. Thank you Mary Kate and Ashley!

I bought some cool striped ones this weekend at Ann Taylor Loft (ON SALE, HOLLA) and man, they are so comfy. It seriously feels like I am wearing a hug. Like someone could walk up to me and say, "Hey, that's a cool hug you are wearing." And I would be like, "Thanks, I enjoy it."  It's my new requirement for when I'm considering a purchase. If it doesn't feel like a hug - not buying it. The exception is if it makes me look like a hot super model goddess rock star.

I also just bought house slippers...

Short pause so you can laugh about me buying house slippers

... I wanted some that made it feel like I was walking on clouds. I found them. In the review on Amazon, it actually said "feels like walking on clouds."

I will only wear clouds and hugs from this day forth.

I've been using Preston's credit card to make these purchases and I get a kick out the confirmation emails. Thank you, PRESTON! You Ann Taylor Loft order has been received.  Congratulations, PRESTON! Your Zappos.com purchase has shipped.

Online shopping is so cool. It's much cooler that in person shopping because you don't have to do all that work. It's even cooler if you say it like this: SHOW PANG!