Your absence has gone through me like thread through a needle. Everything I do is stitched with its color. - W.S. Merwin

So this horrible thing happened. It's everywhere - TV, online, face to face conversations. We don't want to talk about it but at the same time, we do. We don't know what to say about it, or how to completely express how it makes us feel, but we try. We want to know why and how but there are no satisfying answers to those questions. We are all thinking about those little babies, and their parents and at the same time we are acutely aware of how much we ourselves are hurting. We want to do something to help, or something to make ourselves feel better, but it doesn't seem like anything is good enough to make a difference.

Saturday morning, I picked up my bible for the first time in several years. I was looking for this verse that my friend had posted on Facebook a few weeks ago. In this same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. Romans 8:26. This verse just made sense to me in this situation. This horrible thing happened, and I am so sad and I think I should pray but I don't know what words to use or if I should pray out loud or just in my head or at all because it's been so long since I last did it. It helps me feel like, even though I can't express myself, I am still understood.

So I kept looking through this bible. I've had it since I was in junior high. There are sections, complete pages, that are highlighted, underlined, dog-eared, bookmarked. Not that I know what all of it means, but it is comforting to know that it has helped me through so much already.

When I think about those babies, I feel like they are lost, or rather, I feel lost for them. And this verse calms that feeling: Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10.

When I think about the parents and the families, I realize that what I feel must be so much smaller than what they feel. I think I may also feel lost for them as well. This verse helps me: The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

Those parents will never forget their babies, or feel like their babies are truly gone. Even though I don't know their names, I will never forget them either. I don't think any of us will. They make me want to put good out into the world.